“You’re so A.D.D. you can’t even make it to the second ‘D!’”
A statement made by a friend once upon a time… but it’s true. I admit it. I can totally relate to the dogs in the movie, "Up." I do not have the hyperactive component, but I definitely have the inattentive type. Sometimes it is a struggle just to get through an hour! I consider myself an intelligent person, and because of this, I have formed coping skills over the years to help me be more successful. However, often times I choose (yes, it’s a choice) NOT to use my tools… and in turn I wind up in trouble! I struggle with things like talking on the phone and driving… as there is no telling where I will end up if I’m not purposefully thinking about where I am going. My dear friend, Alicia, has rescued me numerous times from those occasions.
One time I was leading a youth leader meeting. We were actually having a pretty important conversation regarding leadership and the time commitment needed for the upcoming year… but we were outside… so I’m sure you can imagine my struggle! So… long story made short… I was mid-sentence when this enormous Q-tip went flying by! Actually, it was a bug of some sort… but it honestly looked like those things we clean our ears or our newborn’s belly buttons with. My attention immediately went to this flying cotton ball on a stick! The problem was, as I said, I was mid-sentence… and it probably sounded a little like this; “Before you make this commitment for next year, I would really like for you to pray about it and honestly answer some tough questions. Not only do I need to know that your heart is fully into this ministry… but the kids OH LOOK AT THAT BUG!!!”
I still haven’t lived that one down.
A couple of weeks ago I went on a women’s spiritual retreat. We were in this beautiful cabin on the top of a mountain (I’m NOT exaggerating!) in Pigeon Forge, TN. It was almost impossible not to get lost in the beauty and glory of God from the view alone! The weekend was entitled “Saturated 2012.” We went there to be fully submersed in the Holy Spirit. Boy howdy, were we ever!!
One of the first things we did that weekend was sit in silence, eyes closed, palms open, listening for the Holy Spirit. Can you imagine what this is like for someone with ADD??? I have a million different things going on in my head! You want me to sit in silence for how long?? 20 minutes? Right.
Well… I had to at least try. So… I sit, eyes closed, palms open, contemplatively listening. Here come the random thoughts… Who knows what they were… but they sure were distracting. So I asked God to block out the thoughts and the rest of the world (I mean, even a little sneeze will send my brain into la la land sometimes…). As soon as I asked for it, He gave me a vision. It was a cross, and He said to me, “Focus on me.” Once I focused on that cross, it became easier to listen. Actually, He wasn’t really speaking to me a lot at that point (other than a repetitive “Focus on me”), but was pointing out to me some of the distractions that I brought with me that weekend. The message was very clear… it was to focus on Him, and not worry or think about anything else. He has me in the palm of His hand. (This went on several times… )
Then another vision came. At first it was a glimpse of Jesus’ face. But the face was also surrounded by white, and the white appeared larger and larger until it looked like HUGE angel wings. As it got closer and closer to me, I realized the wings were more like arms, and they were embracing me. It felt like He was giving me a giant hug, and all I had to do was sit there and receive it. I felt like a little girl reaching up to be held by her father.
A little while later, a friend approached me. She said her eyes were itching during our silent time and as she was rubbing them, she opened them and caught a glimpse of me. The image of me sitting on the floor with palms turned up gave her a strong reminder of me as a little girl… reaching up to my daddy.
Wow. What a powerful presence the Holy Spirit is.
Over the next few days, I am going to try to put my experience into words. As much as I like to write, I am struggling to come up with words that can describe some of the images I was given over a 2 day time period. At first, I thought maybe I am not supposed to be sharing this… or the words would come more easily… but every day I feel the nudge to sit down and take some uninterrupted time to get it into writing. I don’t know if it will take me one blog or several to adequately describe, in detail, what gift I was given… but I do promise to begin the task at hand.
In the meantime, enjoy a short clip involving a dog with ADD from the movie “Up.” J